The Here and Now

Ever ask God over and over to show you His plan, His purpose for you, the next step in your great adventure when you were where you needed to be all along? I am futuristic by nature. Strength Finder calls it a gift, I often refer to it as impatience...but that is me through and through. I am always looking for what’s next! What is my next step in my career, what degree should I pursue now, what is my five year plan, where do I want to be in ten years, what will happen when I am forty years old. I can’t get it out of my head! Though it is great because it means I relish change, look forward to new beginnings and thrive on challenges, it also means I find it hard to present, to be now.

When we got married it was a whirlwind! Graduate from nursing school, move back to Chambersburg, take NCLEX, plan a wedding, get married, go on a honeymoon, move straight from the honeymoon to Lynchburg, learn how to be married, oh and start your first nursing job all in the course of a summer! Futuristic? Yea I was thriving. And then it slowed down, I got into the groove of things, it became familiar, and then...mundane. (Except for the marriage part, nothing mundane about that!!!)

And I found myself asking why, how? How did we end up here in Lynchburg, no deep connections, no roots. How did I get here and why did I do it? Is this really part of the great plan. I kept asking these questions, to myself, to Mwita, and to God.I got antsy, I got restless, and then I got plain annoyed. I began begging for the next stop. God answer me and show me why! And God reveled it all to me in that loving but knowing way He does. He made it clear that I had missed it all along. I am here for lessons that I have learned from having only my husband to rely on. For months we knew hardly a soul and there was nobody to rely on next door. I learned deep trust in my husband, deep faith in his abilities, and deep love for his heart. And then God reveled to me that I am here for the job that I love so dearly and for the opportunity to work with what I truly believe is the best group of nurses in the world. I am here to learn about cancer, to learn to hate it, and fight it, and give my patients all I’ve got. I am here to cultivate my life’s dream for wholeness and restoration in those that are hurting, or sick or alone. I am here for the opportunity to finish my education and thanks to my job having to pay only a fraction of the cost, I am here to chase the vision of my pastors and to let their words and their prayers penetrate my heart. To allow them to impart the things of God into my life. I am here because of the fourteen people that sat in our tiny living room last night sharing their dreams and visions and promising to walk alongside of us in marriage and in life. These dear people with such wisdom and passion inside. I am here to learn, here to grow, and here to cultivate patience. I am here to dream about my future, but to live in my now. I am here because God has placed me here. And today I am content knowing just that.