December 9, 2007- A Night I Will Never Forget...

I remember it very clearly, that night just 3 years ago when everything changed. It was the most beautiful time in Denver. The snow was quietly falling on the land, Christmas decorations where hung and excitement was thick in the air. In just a week would be headed on the adventure of a lifetime- Argentina here we come. Little did we know, the adventure was closer than we thought.

As the Christmas party activities wrapped up and everyone went in their separate ways, I stepped outside in the beautiful snow to talk to my Father. I was excited for the things to come, but still figuring out where I was headed. I remember very clearly being in awe of the peace of that night. It was so quiet as the world was blanketed in a covering of white. As midnight was nearing, I had a very clear feeling that it was time to go inside, I didn’t think much of it, I just went.

As I crawled into my bed talking to my roommates about the activities of the day and the things yet to come, we heard the sound that would shatter our worlds. Gun shots. No one knew what was happening, two people ran into our rooms saying someone had been shot, that we should hide and wait. It seemed as if the whole world was swirling around us, seconds felt like hours, I had never been so scared. I remember Rosie and I sitting in her bed crying out to God for help. Police sirens has never been so comforting before. The rest of the night is somewhat a blur to me. I remember grabbing coats and slippers and being escorted downstairs by the police. I can’t remember how long it took. I remember sitting in the foyer and being so relieved as I saw the faces of the people I knew and loved, still with us. We all knew, though, that some people were missing.

I remember being taken to the police station and feeling so tired, so weary, so scared. We each talked to the police and then sat quietly and waited. For what, we did not know. I napped on and off and finally was able to talk to my parents. They were so relieved to hear that I was ok.

And then I remember a moment that will be in my head forever. We were all brought together and were told what had really happened. A gunman had come in and had shot four staff members…Tiff and Phil were with Jesus already that night. Tears felt so hot as they rushed down my cold cheeks. We cried and cried and hugged one another, not knowing how we could go on from there. Just that afternoon I had sat in my room with Tiff talking about ice skating and what she would wear for the party that night. Now it was just a memory.

The rest of the story as also somewhat fuzzy in my mind. We were so exhausted, traumatized and scared. I remember when we found out that the gunman would no longer be a threat. I remember returning to the base and going into the hall were our friends had been shot. We sang out to God at the top of our lungs “the enemy has been defeated, death couldn’t hold You down.”

More than anything, I remember everyone talking about how all Tiff wanted was to change the world by loving people. She did just that you know. Her life ended far too early, but she has been inspiring people everyday. From that day on, I knew I was kept for a purpose. I was sitting outside alone that night. It could have been me. It could have been any of us. But we are still here. I love Tiff’s motto. So simple, but so profound. That night, though sad, and if I could I would undo it, has given me a reason to live. A reason to go out and change the world. I’m carrying on your legacy, Tiff. I’m changing the world by loving people. I think you would be so proud.

Shout Unto God- Hillsong United

The enemy has been defeated
And death couldn't hold You down
We're gonna lift our voice in victory
We're gonna make Your praises loud

Shout unto God with a voice of triumph
Shout unto God with a voice of praise
Shout unto God with a voice of triumph
We lift Your name up
We lift Your name up

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!

This Thanksgiving season I am so thankful for all of my family and friends in the beautiful village of Ntagatcha!I am also grateful to those who have enabled me to be a part of the wonderful work going on at Teamwork City of Hope! I am blessed.

Perspective...

Lately, life has been busy to say the least. With this being the supposedly toughest semester in the nursing program, working on weekends, planning a wedding, and trying to fit in family and friends...I feel, well, like the typical American. We are busy, busy, busy! Always working and running around, and often complaining of all we have to do. I have found that I have fallen into the same trap. I compare my schedule with others and the "winner" is the one who is stressed to the max, whose to do list takes up two whole spreadsheets, and whose idea of a good night's rest is a 4 hour "nap" in front of the TV. How do we see that as winning? How does that equal having a joyful life? But so many of us seem to fall into it! Busy does not necessarily equal blessed. And yet we do have responsibilities, we have goals in mind and things to accomplish. This isn't all bad. In fact, it is great to be motivated and working toward something, but may we be aware of the barrenness that can come from a busy life.

I have chosen every single thing that keeps my life busy. I am excited to graduate and become and RN, I cannot wait to marry Mwita, I love spending time with my family, and I enjoy my job! But still, life feels too full and I found myself often being anything but content.

As I have been thinking about all of this, though, I always seem to find a new perspective when I think about my friends in a little village halfway across the world. The wonderful land of Ntagacha! In this beautiful place a know a remarkable woman, Bibi. When I think of her life, her struggles and her busyness, mine does not even come close. Bibi must be in her seventies, at least. Her hard life is written on her wrinkled face. She has worked in the fields under the harsh African sun most of her life.She has kept a home and has raised about eight children. When her American counterparts are nearing the end of their life; winding down, and watching their children raise families of their own, Bibi is still going strong. Her busyness, though, looks quite different from mine. Bibi has seen sickness and war rip through her land and tear her family apart. She has seen the devastation of AIDs come to her front door. Out of her eight children, just two remain. She is not watching her grandchildren from a distance, she is raising them in her home. About half a dozen children have become her responsibility to clothe, feed, and if possible to educate. When she should be winding down, she is revving up. Bibi spends the mornings working in the banana groves and the afternoons at the town center selling the sweet fruit.

Bibi does not going around feeling sorry for herself, though. She does not compare her busyness to others. She does not complain about the hard life she has lived, the sadness she felt burying her children, or the exhaustion that wipes over her body at the end of the day. Bibi talks about the goodness of God. She talks about the smile that she daily wears on her face, about the joy she carries in her heart. She talks about her grandchildren, about how things have changed in the land, and of course about her bananas are sweeter and better than all the competitions! She talks about how she is thankful for having her beautiful grandchildren in her life. She loves each one dearly and desires more than anything to give them a good life. Bibi is busy, but she is not barren. She has not allowed hardships to steal her joy, or responsibilities to take the zeal out of life. She has refused to be defeated, denied being taken down. She is standing strong and brave. Taking care of her beautiful grandchildren, taking care of herself. She has shown me a new perspective, a new way at looking at life. She has not allowed circumstances dictate who she is and what her life has become, she is ruling circumstances. Beautiful and strong, she is raising the next generation.

I am so thankful for women like Bibi. I am so thankful to her for showing me there is a better way. There is a way to go about life with a smile on your face and joy in your heart, sometimes all it takes is a little perspective. And that is just what I'm going to do...


(Though none of the pictures above are Bibi or her grandchildren, they represent countless people with similar stories. Countless grandmothers and grandfathers raising up their grandchildren and keeping it all in perspective...)

I'm pressing on.

There are days when I feel so full of joy I think my heart is going to explode, I couldn't imagine having any other life and my end goal is in mind. I feel confident that I have what it takes to get things accomplished, and I feel hopeful for the future ahead.

And then there are other days. Days like today. Days, where after working on homework for seven hours (on a Sunday), and making yet another drug card, I hit a wall. The first big road block of the semester. I began to question, what it is that I am doing? Why is it again that I want to be a nurse? Why am I putting myself through spending another hour learning how to prevent pressure ulcers in my patients, researching congestive heart failure, and memorizing adverse reactions to antibiotics? Why am I set on recognizing heart murmurs, knowing how to administer IVs, and what to do if someone is having a stroke.

It's days like these that I must think back to the days passed. I think back to this summer taking Boke to the clinic, I think back to the countless bandages I have applied, and the countless illnesses I wished I knew how to treat. It's when I think of that beautiful clinic in the village of Ntagacha, when I remember the people who are traveling hours by foot to the hospital, it is when I think of the hope that I possess, that it makes it worthwhile. When I keep this in mind, every drug card has a face, every disease process, a name. Every memorized procedure has a place in my heart. I want to be a nurse because I want to help people. I want to make a difference in the village of Ntagacha and around the world. I want to be God's hands, helping the needy and loving the lost. I want to be a nurse, and that is just what I will do. And I'm going to do it well, with a smile on my face, and with love in my heart. I'm going to be a nurse...because that is why I was made.

I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. -Philippians 3:14

A photo journal from the land I love...

Back to School

It is my first day of my last year of nursing school, and I am overwhelmed with emotions. It is going to be a hard year, there is no doubt about that. I am confident, though, that God has already given me the strength and wisdom to get through it!

Being back in America, I am once again bombarded with the differences between the land, one thing I cannot get over is our ungratefulness amidst our vast opportunities. I was confronted with it at school today. My goal this year is to be different than that. As I heard the grumbling and complaining of my classmates, I cannot help but think of my friends back in Ntagacha who are desperate to find money for school fees so that can get an education. How many girls in that village would love a chance to go to nursing school!

When I think of the sacrifices we make here to go to school, I think of another friend who left his wife and sons for 18 months to pursue a degree. There are countless fathers who go hungry to sent their children to school, and countless mothers who would give anything for their children to have the opportunity.

What a blessing I have! What an opportunity I have in front of me! And as I continue on my path to being a nurse, I also think of the beautiful Tumaini Medical Center that I have spent hours praying for and dreaming in. I long to be there and I long to make a difference in that land. Now, though, I will be content to learn everything I can and hopefully bring a positive attitude to a few other people along the way.

Pray that I will be able to make a difference, and pray to that I will have the strength to finish well. I know at the end of this, the journey is just beginning!!!

One Hundred Miles Ahead

(Written in the airport on the way home)

One hundred miles ahead, one hundred miles behind
Head in the clouds, Ntagacha on my mind...

I cannot believe that I am on my way home. Where has this summer gone? How can I be headed home when I feel like I have left home behind? Truly remarkable- this summer. Truly amazing all the changes I have seen in these few short months. I am overwhelmed when I think of the beautiful things unfolding and the projects accomplished at the City of Hope this summer.

One of the most remarkable things I saw this summer, was a family being restored. There is nothing more beautiful. A friend of mine had had trouble with his wife for awhile and finally she left him in pursuit of a more peaceful life. This summer, though, things changed for them. They worked out their differences and she returned him with their two daughters. I will never forget the overwhelming feeling of joy I felt my last Sunday when I turned around in church to see him there dancing his heart out and praising God for his blessings. He is a new man and he has not wiped the smile off of his face since his wife returned. He is a new man! God is the restorer of mankind and the mender of relationships!

I have another dear friend who lost his father last summer. He was in high school, but because of the passing of his father, he did not have the school fees to return to school and instead became the man of his household. Because of the City of Hope, though, this fall he will finally be able to finish his education. He has been given hope, where he had no hope.

There is story after story about this summer and the lives that were changed. A grandmother raising a dozen grandchildren who were invited to come and pick out new outfits and shoes, a girl being sent away to a school where she can realize her dream of becoming a seamstress, a young man learning to drive the tractor so he can support himself in the future, cows bought to provide milk and income for the orphaned children.

My favorite day of the summer was when we had a party for the elderly people of the village. We slaughtered a cow (a big deal), cooked kilos and kilos of rice and set up under the beautiful acacia tree. We invited all of the elderly people and had a party. There was singing and sharing with one another. The best part was the all-out Kuria dance party. I danced like I have never danced in my life, and I still got shown up by an 80 year old woman with a cane :) At the end of the party we handed out a blanket to each one. This was the start of a beautiful connection with the community. In Malachi 4:6 it says, "He will turn the hearts of the fathers to their children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers." That is a beautiful thing.

I am utterly amazed by the awesomeness that is the City of Hope. I am even more amazed that I have been chosen to be a part of such a groundbreaking work.

I returned to Tanzania and fell in love all over again. A people, a land, a village, my Tanzania. This trip, for me, was far less about work projects, and far more about people. It was my time to reconnect and rejuvenate relationships, and I did just that. Hours spend with grandmothers drinking chai, children harvesting corn and young people learning Kuria.

I felt more alive this summer than I ever have in my life. In Ntagacha, I just feel so right. I cannot stop thinking of the opportunities and adventures that I have had and those that await me. I cannot forget the wonderful people I have met. These past five weeks have been life changing at best and I am oh so excited for the future. It has been chapter two of my book...and I can firmly say that there are many more a chapter to be written. Once again...these have been my dreams from Africa.

For more information about the future of the City of Hope...visit http://www.teamworkcityofhope.com/content/dwtemplatepages/images/9102-FUNDRAISING%20small.pdf

What Does Love Look Like?

(These are the updates I had meant to post during my trip, but because of the lack of internet connection...I am putting them up now)

I was thinking today about love. Not because my heart is bursting with love for Tanzania, and not even because I just got engaged (though that certainly makes the word more real). I was thinking about love, because to me, that is what ministry is all about. Love.

I am blown away by the kids. They work from the moment the sun rises to the moment it sets. They set about doing their field work, school work and chores with joy and intent. They tell me they do out out of love. Love for each other, for the community and love for the future God has given them.

I wondered then what love looks like for me right now and it came to me...love looks like serving with out expecting in return. Love looks like being thankful, even if I do not feel it.
Love looks like making sure the team has food, washing dishes with the girls with a smile of my face.
Love looks like making beds. Today love looked like walking to the spring with the kids to fetch water for their baths.
Love has looked like drinking chai with grandmothers and dancing in church with little kids. Love has looked like giving out candy, painting ceilings, teaching English, harvesting corn, giving away clothes, buying bananas, jumping rope and praying.
Love has looked like learning Kuria, giving hugs and acknowledging countless little tugs at my arms.
Love looks like squeezing Boke's hand on the way the hospital. Love looks like anything I have done this summer out of love for the Father.

Love looks like life.

Ntagacha's Greatest Need

As Mwita and I began planning for the next DVD to be made for the City of Hope, we asked people what is Ntagacha's greatest need? As I pondered that question for a while, it became very apparent...Ntagacha needs its hospital to be opened!

This especially became apparent to me the other night. After dinner I was doing my daily routine of going down to play with the children as they prepared to end their day. As I walked into the dining hall on little boy pointed out a few drops of blood on the floor and then before I knew it Boke walked up to me, his nose dripping with blood. He said that he had fallen and his nose had begun to bleed. As I took him up to the house to assess, we soon found that he was bleeding out his mouth as well and we were concerned of a possible nose break.

Though my heart was broken for him, I knew I had to set right to action. After icing and compressing his nose for about half an hour without any slowing, I decided we needed to head to the clinic. A few of us hopped in the van and headed down the road. We decided to stop in a nearby village at a small clinic. We took Boke out of the car and ducked into a tiny doctor's office. The sun had begun to set and as the doctor assessed Boke, Tabitha and I took turns holding the flashlight for him to see.

We waited at this clinic for another half hour, and decided that this doctor did not have the equipment and medicine necessary to stop the bleeding. We traveled down the road Tabitha holding a tissue to his nose, myself holding a tissue at his mouth and Elsa holding the flashlight I began to worry. We were traveling down a dusty, bumpy dirt road and by now it was completely dark. Boke's eyes were beginning to droop, his pulse was racing and his hand was getting hold. As I squeezed his hand tightly I began to pray like I never had before.

After two hours since the bleeding had started we arrived at the doctor's office and he was called to come. Soon he came on his motorcycle. Thankfully he knew just what to do and he had the right medicine to stop the bleeding. He took Boke into his care and assured us that we had done the right thing, that we should go home and collect the boy in the morning.

Driving home, I finally began to breath again. I was full of thanksgiving, yet heart break.

I began to think about what if this was a different child. We were the only ones that own a vehicle in the village. What if it was a different child and his only transportation was a bicycle, or worse on foot. If it was any other child, it would have taken to long, the blood loss would be too much, it would have been to late. Oh Lord, I cried, we need this hospital.

Though it is moving along, we still need the government to finalize their end, and we need money for the housing of the nurses and doctors. We have come so far, but we still have far to go.

This hospital, though, truly is Ntagacha's greatest need.

Day Full of Promise

As I lay in my bed each morning before the sun rises, listening to the rooster’s crow, I know even then that the day will be full of promise. Soon, I will get up to start my day and the children will begin to lift their angelic voices toward heaven in praise. Daily I am reminded of the glory of creation and of the heart of the Father for His children.

About 85 in number- the children have grown much more than I had anticipated. They are so healthy and strong. Their dreams are bigger, the expectations loftier, responsibilities greater and their hearts more pure. They greet the day with prayers to the Father and know that He will carry them through.

I cannot describe how wonderful it is to use Swahili again and to walk down the road hearing my name called from houses and bushes. I LOVE the people of Ntagacha. One of my goals for the summer has been to reestablish relationships within the village, and I have been doing just that.

It’s 8:30 at night and I am sitting outside, it is completely black minus a few flashlights and the only sounds I hear are the chirping of the crickets and the sound of their singing filling the night sky. They are singing: “Hakuna Mungu Kama Wewe” – “There is no one like our God.”

Each night I have been helping four of the older girls wash dishes. Though not my favorite chore, I look forward to these times. We talk about what they are learning in school, what America is like or just about our families and friends. I love each one of them dearly and love being able to have time set aside each day with them.

Today a few of us went to greet the local school. As I sat in the afternoon sun surrounded by beautiful, smiling faces, I felt such joy sweep over me. I was so excited about the potential that sat in front of me. These children, though they may not realize it now, are the future of their community. We encouraged them to study hard and they thanked us for coming and supporting them. There is such a sense of peace and unity here. God has truly brought blessing to this land.

I am so excited about what is going on here, and even more excited to be a part of it. Thanks to each and every one of you that have helped make this possible!!! My heart is still for Ntagacha!

Father's Day

With Father’s day just around the corner, and Mother’s day just passed, I am once again reminded of how blessed I am. My parents are so much more than just providers; they are my encouragers, my prayer warriors, and friends. They are my shoulder to lean on and, when needed, my push in the right direction 

My mother serves with an open, loving heart, and my father has given me a beautiful glimpse at the Father. He is an example of what fatherhood should be. They are my heroes, and I would not be who I am without them.

But as I think of my wonderful parents, I think of those who are parentless and this Father’s Day I am reminded of why I am returning to Tanzania. I am reminded of my beautiful little friends at the City of Hope, who have grown up without a father, without someone rooting for them and molding them into the men and women they need to be. I think of the heartbreaking stories I have heard about how sickness and violence have torn these beautiful families apart.

Their circumstances bring me great heartache, but in this I a reminded of something else. I am reminded that they are not fatherless, that are provided for by the greatest Father of all; One that is never selfish, never distracted, never provoked. There is no comparison to the great and mighty Father of us all. He has not given up on these children, for He has numbered their steps. He has not forgotten them, for He has numbered the hairs on their head. He is not to busy for them, for He has said, "let the children come unto me." Yes, He is great, this Father of us all.

This Father’s Day let us be thankful for our earthly fathers that have helped shape us into who we are, and think too of the City of Hope and the children that have been introduced to a Father that will never fail. Think of me too, as I head out in search of new adventure, new friends and new ways to serve. And let us all give thanks to the Heavenly Father, the beautiful Creator of all.

Making My Cheeks Hurt....

I have a wonderful friend who is serving in Nigeria right now. She is amazing and courageous and I look up to her so much! In one of her communications home, she wrote this, and I must say I feel exactly the same way...

"I admitted to the bishop last night that Africa makes my cheeks hurt. He asked, "Baby, why does Africa make your cheeks hurt?" I answered, "Because from the time I wake up, until the time I lay down Africa keeps a big smile on my face." That is not only a true conversation, which made him laugh quite jovially, but it is true that my cheeks do ache from the smile Africa and of course the Lord keep between my ears."

Tanzania absolutely keeps a smile between my ears. When I am there, I cannot stop smiling and when I am here at home, thinking of there, I am smiling still. I have the joy of the Lord in my soul and a great love for Ntagacha in my heart.

This summer, will be no exception. I am have once again been presented with the opportunity to return the land I love...I cannot even express how excited I am. I will be leaving on June 27 and returning in early August. While there, I hope to be assisting some nurse practitioners and the Tumaini Medical Center that has opened this spring. I will also be helping with some of the summer teams, and of course spending time with my beloved friends there. There has not been a day since I have been home that I have not thought about Ntagacha.

I believe that God put this love in my heart for a reason, and I am following His lead! I know that this is what I was made for, and I am so excited to find out more. If you are interested in finding out more about my trip, the City of Hope, or how you can help please contact me at monicajoy8@hotmail.com!

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, and in this case, I cannot even tell you how true that is. When I think and returning my heart jumps for joy...and my cheeks hurt. I cannot wait to give a huge hug to each and everyone of the those children and to be a help in the hospital that I have been dreaming about for months. When people ask why I am so desperate to return I can truly tell them... "because from the time I wake up to the time I go to sleep, I cannot wipe off this smile that Africa has put on my face!"