Fever...

Spring fever, senioritis and I’M GETTING MARRIED…are seeming to be a deadly combo for productivity, but today I can’t help it. I’m just so excited! This delightfully warm weather , isn’t helping either. Just four weeks left of school, I feel like an old lady when I say this, but really, where did the time go! Seems like just yesterday I was sitting alone in my room in my new apartment in Lancaster thinking, “what in the world am I doing.” Since then I have taken hundreds of blood pressures, bathed many a patient, mastered the art of medication administration, learned everything possible about pneumonia, congestive heart failure, and lung cancer and my most current accomplishment to date, survived…more than that….thrived in my trauma and intensive care rotations! I have cried, prayed, learned, and finally conquered the things that have stood in the way of me and my dream of becoming a nurse (well almost…NCLEX is another story). These next two days will be my last clinical days in my pursuit of becoming an RN. I cannot believe it. I cannot believe that I came all the way from that shaking, scared girl trying to listen to my patients heart beat, to the confidant, knowledgeable woman that I was last week administering an insulin drip and suctioning my patient’s endotracheal tube in the Intensive Care Unit. I have come a long way!
Today driving through the city with my windows down, I had a nostalgic moment. I don’t know if it was the warm breeze, or the sounds of construction equipment, but something took me back to Tanzania, driving in the little white truck through Tarime. My heart literally began to ache. I miss it so very much. A piece of my heart is still in that land, and I will miss it dearly until the day that I return! I know that I am supposed to be here. Mwita and I have a wedding to plan for this summer, and it is my decision to work in the states for a year so that I can learn and become the best nurse for those I love in Tanzania, but oh how not being there hurts! I miss the warm breezes, the smell of chai on a chilly evening, the laughter of those beautiful kids! I miss the sound of Swahili smoothly flowing from the people’s lips, I miss that the days don’t fly by, but rather trickle along slowly, allowing one to fully enjoy each moment. My heart is so ready…but my mind is not, and so I stay here and continue to prepare!
And then there is July 30th- that beautiful date that I will forever remember…our WEDDING! I absolutely cannot wait to marry the love of my life. Mwita is the perfect one for me. He is everything that I need…and more. He is my inspiration, my encourager and truly my best friend. I could not ask for a better man to marry. Lately my mind has been dancing with visions of dainty pink flowers, flowing white dresses, ornate invitations, delicate cakes, and all things wedding. My latest google searches have been flower arrangements and wedding cakes, and the only thing on my Pandora stations are love songs and R&B. I’m dreaming of a summer full of planting an herb garden, refurbishing bedroom furniture and picking out curtains, lamps and dishes! But alas- all this must wait, because today is only April 4th and tomorrow I am sure that my patient will greatly appreciate it if I know how to properly titrate Nitro. Tomorrow my instructor will expect a full rundown of why the patient has elevated white blood cells and the readings for Thursdays lecture are not going to automatically pop into my brain, so graduation, Tanzania and wedding are on hold…and now I’m back to the books….

Spring...

It's spring fever. That is what the name of it is. And when you've got it, you want - oh, you don't quite know what it is you do want, but it just fairly makes your heart ache, you want it so! ~Mark Twain

Isaiah 49:13

Shout out for joy you heavens; rejoice you earth; burst into song you mountains! For the Lord comforts his people and will have compassion on his afflicted ones.

Stir Yourself Up...

So often I find myself disillusioned by the world around me and dulled by the often mundane tasks that make up my life right now. I feel busy, busy, busy and my spirit is feeling weary, weary, weary. But this is not how it is supposed to be. I find myself making lists, prioritizing activities and worrying about everything on my to do list from wedding plans, to job searching to figuring out how to survive my upcoming clinical in the IICU.

I have found myself searching for others approval and constant encouragement, but often my search is futile. Others cannot read my mind, they do not know what I need, and really it is not up to them to supply all of my emotional needs. When I was sharing with my mom the other weekend all of the pressures that I feel, and the lack of encouragement I feel I am receiving, in her wisdom, she simply replied, "Monica-stir yourself up." I looked at her for a moment, a little hurt that she did not throw me a pity party, but then relieved because I realized she had given me the best advice I have heard. Take matters into your own hands, control your own fate, make your own choices about your mood and emotions- "stir yourself up."

Though I heard that advice I do not know that I have really put it into action, though. This morning I woke up thinking about my resume and job applications, my group project later on today, the presentation due next week and I began once again to feel dull. And I hate to admit it- but because of my busyness, I have put my God-seeking, self stirring to the bottom of the priority list. The problem is, it should be the top. I almost felt guilty just now as I opened my journal and Bible and began to encourage myself in the Lord. I couldn't stop thinking about my other projects. But the more I sit here and inundate myself in the Word, the more I am refreshed, and encouraged. The more I cannot wait to experience life with those I love, the more I find meaning in the school tasks that will fell up my weak. In other words the more I stir, the more joyful I become, the more productive I am, the more I want to encourage others and the beautiful, lovely cycle continues!!!

So right now I am going to put everything else aside, I am going to pray for those I love in Tanzania, thank my beautiful Lord for all his blessings, and stir myself up in the Word until my heart overflows with joy and I am encouraged. I will take my life into my own hands, control my own fate and choose my emotions. And when I am done- I will stir up someone else, I hope you learn to do the same.

I Timothy 1:6 "For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands."

Dear Valentine...

Like it or not, Valentine's Day is upon us. I have found the more than any other holiday, people hold strong to their opinion of the day. But like it or not- you cannot go to a store without its candies, flowers and hearts being displayed before your eyes.

Every since I was a kid, I have loved the day! My grandmother always sent me a beautiful card, my parents would place a big heart shaped box of chocolate by my breakfast plate and at school we would pile one another's desks high with Disney princess cards, heart shaped lollipops and those beloved (or not) conversation hearts. I would spend hours baking beautiful cookies and making cards with doilies and construction paper just to share the joy with my family whom I love. Unlike many others, even through my single days, I enjoyed celebrating the day of love!

Though some call it simply a commercial holiday where love is forced in your face, you must declare all of your feelings, and you are coaxed to show up at your girlfriend's house with a rose- I call it LOVELY!

In the middle of a snowy, cold winter where everything is looking gray and the festivities of Christmas are a thought of the past, pink and red little hearts and candies begin to appear, thoughts about love are dispersed over the airwaves and life looks a little bit more cheery. It's the time again! Time to love...LOVE.

If you have always enjoyed the day like me- celebrate for all its worth! And if you bemoan the isles of cookies, candies, and cards- rethink your position this year. If you are single, send a loving note to a friend or a parent and place a chocolate on an unsuspecting coworkers desk. If you are in a relationship, take the opportunity to remind the one you love of that very fact! We are celebrating the goodwill of St. Valentine, afterall! And who couldn't use a little love and cheer. Besides its going to come again next year on February 14th, and the year after that as well. Might as well greet it with a smile, send a little love and declare to all who can hear...

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY! What a wonderful chance to celebrate love!!!

Colossians 3:14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

Inspiration...

"When your heart is in your dream, no request is too extreme..." Jimminy Cricket :)

Haiti...my 1st taste of adventure...



Honduras...where the dream first began





Argentina- my first big step on my own





Tanzania...the land that stole my heart



My hospital...



The ones that inspire me to follow my dreams...



The one I can't wait to share my life with!

My Thoughts In This New Year...

Here I sit again, on the brink of a brand new semester. All of my things are neatly situated back into my room after Christmas break. My candle is burning, music is playing and I am gearing up for my math test at 7 am tomorrow morning. I feel like I have been here a thousand times before. Excited for what is to come, but still holding on to what I left behind. Christmas went to quickly, and my precious time with Mwita disappeared. Tomorrow, though, holds my last first day at Lancaster General. I am excited and nervous and everything in between.

Over break I have been thinking a lot of the upcoming year. This year marks the beginning of my true adulthood. I will become not only an RN, but a wife. I will begin a new career, move to a new state and start my life as a married woman. That is AMAZING and kind of scary at the same time. I'm ready to grasp the future, but nervous to let go of the past. Sitting in marriage counseling with Vish the other day, though, I was given a new perspective. He said that a friend once told him to think of Tarzan. When he is swinging through the forest he has to let go of the vine he came from and latch onto the one ahead. If he holds on to both...he will be stuck. Swinging in limbo...waiting. If I do not let go of the past, I will not be able to move ahead into what the future holds for me. This semester I am going to keep on swinging and anticipate what is ahead.

I also watched Eat, Pray, Love over break and absolutely loved it. Though she does not line up with me theologically and really not even morally, I loved some of the ideas in the movie. One of the greatest things I learned from it was how to truly live. I don't want to waste a moment, don't want to waste a day. Don't want a single second to pass me by that I don't truly live. I want to squeeze every experience I can out of each day and quit wishing my life away. I bide the time or press through the days instead of thanking the Lord for every breath and every moment of every day. I want to live to the fullness that I have been created to live! How fun, exciting, wonderful, and new each day will be if I begin with that attitude!!!

May this year bring success, sweetness, joy, love, peace, excitement, and newness... and may I NOT MISS ONE SINGLE BIT!!!